and at last i see the light
by Lauranessification
Summary: Bella slowly grows an ego and has some friends. Let's see how that affects her life.  My take on how Bella could've handled her life and dealed with her self-esteem issues. A drabble series. T for occasional language and nudity.
1. Chapter 1

With the stress she had these days, Bella Swan _loved_ hot, long showers. She had exams to study for, occasional nightmares to endure, a love to declare to her best friend and the biggest stress, an actual social life. Turns out, Jessica wasn't too bad to hang out or to go shopping with, and neither was Katie. Angela had always been nice and Lauren still was a bit bitchy, but she was okay.

_Before_, she would turn the water ice cold and cry the whole three minutes it took her to wash her hair and body. Now she preferred her showers warm, hot even, and long. She could spend twenty minutes gazing into nothingness, daydreaming, letting the scolding hot water turn her pale skin red. Sometimes she'd doodle on the walls with her fingers, write whole texts nobody would ever read, nor would she remember them. Then it would take her another five minutes to get herself together and wash her hair.

Bella finished towel-drying her hair and started wrapping the towel around her body. She glanced in the mirror and stopped abruptly, dropping the towel. Her hair was still dripping, the clear drops falling onto her shoulders and chest, quickly making their way down to her hips, until they disappeared in the patch of brown hair between her legs.

Bella Swan would never deny she had no curves. She did have a butt and her boobs weren't the biggest, but they were there. She bit her lip as she examined herself, letting her hands slide over her breasts, hips and ass. They all had grown slightly bigger. Not too much, but enough to notice. She smiled proudly.

It was probably because she had been eating more, since Jacob ate loads of food, she started to eat more and more. Jacob had tried to teach her to call it a normal, healthy diet. Bella still just called it _eating lots_. She smiled as she thought about it. Just imagine, thanks to Jacob her boobs had grown!

She giggled as she cupped her breasts again, letting a smile take over her face and light up her eyes. She felt pretty for the first time in months, maybe years, and she decided she liked feeling pretty.

Too occupied with the blissful feeling that filled her stomach with butterflies, she didn't hear the footsteps and the husky voice calling her name. Nor did she hear the knocking on her bedroom door, then very hesitantly on the bathroom door.

It was the moment she heard the click of the handle that she jumped up and noticed. She hadn't even removed her hands from her chest when Jacob entered.

His eyes widened as he took the completely naked Bella in, hair wet and dripping, the pale skin still red and rosy from the hot shower and of course, the hands cupping her breasts. He couldn't help it; his eyes roved over her, admiring the way her back curved into her ass and how that ass turned into a pair of beautiful, long legs.

His ears and cheeks were burning, even with his dark skin the blush was clearly visible. How could he just go away when the girl of his dreams (literally) was standing in front of him, naked?

The silence lasted about three seconds, the two people looking awkwardly at each other, unable to move or talk, before she hastily grabbed her towel and started screaming. "AAAAAHH, GO AWAY GO AWAY GO _AWAY_!"

"I'm s-"

"I DON'T CARE, JAKE, I'M NAKED AND NEED YOU TO GET THE HELL OUT!"

"But I didn-"

"I DO _NOT_ GIVE A DAMN, GET _OUT!_" Holding her towel up with one hand and pointing at the door with the other one, she glared at him. Her anger did not intimidate him at all, it just turned him on even _more_. He did, however, exit the room as fast as he could.

Bella stared at the door, panting, hands clutching her chest. She was not dumb; she had seen the bulge in his pants. She was flattered and turned on and so _damn angry_ at the same time, and she hated not knowing how to feel.

Jacob's hand rested on the door handle, shaking slightly. He _had_ to go back there and tell her, she probably wasn't going to look at him for the rest of the week, he might as well just do it.

He opened the door quickly and the words tumbled out of his mouth before she could start yelling at him again. He poured every single feeling he had for her, every single thought that had crossed his mind every time he saw her. "You're gorgeous, Bells. Absolutely, perfectly gorgeous."

He then slammed the door shut and practically flew down the stairs, hoping this won't be the last time he'll leave this house, leaving a flustered, flattered Bella.

As she lay in bed that night, staring up at the ceiling and thinking about her future, which was unclear, undetermined, his words were repeated in her head, over and over again. _You're gorgeous, Bells. You're gorgeous, Bells. Absolutely, perfectly gorgeous._

Maybe she'll be able to believe him some day.


	2. Chapter 2

"You're into him, he's into you. Big time," Jessica said, as though it was as clear as the blue, cloudless sky that afternoon. "Why don't you just do it?" She looked at her nails, painted a light shade of pink, and nodded approvingly.

"Isn't the boy supposed to ask the girl out?" The argument was weak and Bella knew it, but she was grasping at her last straws. Her friends had come to know her a bit too well than she felt comfortable with, and they knew all about her feelings for Jacob. She studied her nails, which had just been polished and painted a peach pink colour which she actually liked, instead of meeting her friends' eyes.

"Boys ask boys out nowadays, girls ask girls out. Why wouldn't a girl ask a guy out?" Lauren answered matter-of-factly. She didn't dislike Bella anymore, but she couldn't admit that out loud. She couldn't even explain to herself why she had been so jealous.

"Yes," Angela agreed, "It's 2006, Bella, not 1900." Angela was braiding a leather bracelet, which was one of her new hobbies. Angela insisted that they would all wear one. Although most of them thought it was cheesy, the gesture was nice, so they promised Angela to wear them.

"Yeah, why so old-fashioned?" Jessica asked, finally looking up from the nail polish to look at Bella. "I mean, he's hot."

The girls agreed, laughing, and Bella laughed along, which was finally normal for her. "Is that the only thing that matters to you, Jess?"

"Uh, well, yes." Jessica screwed the little bottle shut and started waving her hands, to dry her nails. "And he's incredibly sweet, totally smitten to you and worships the ground you walk on. I mean, girls could dance around him naked and he'd only see you. Just saying."

Bella didn't dare mention the fact that he had seen _her_ naked.

"And he's waited for months, Bella!" Katie exclaimed. Katie couldn't talk softly, she could talk loudly, exclaim or yell, or just keep her mouth shut. "Can't you just give him, like, a chance?"

"I could, and I want to." The confession came out softly, but it was audible for everyone.

Three pairs of eyes looked at Bella (all but Lauren, who was stubbornly holding onto her dislike of Bella), questioningly, waiting for her to continue. They'd never actually heard a reason.

"But I just feel like I'm not good enough for him," Bella whispered.

Katie and Jessica started talking at once. "You, not good enough?"

"Oh come on, we all know you're an amazing girl."

"And sweet."

"And pretty."

"And you have a nice ass!"

"And killer legs!"

"And he just totally loves you!"

"And you know he would agree with us."

Bella just rolled her eyes at the girls. She wanted to agree with them, but somewhere in the back of her mind, the voices of the girls from her old school whispered in her ear, telling her once again _you're not good enough, how can you ever get a boyfriend, why don't you wear makeup, you'll die alone with lots of cats._ She never had the courage to speak up to them, real or in her head.

"They're right, you know." Everyone looked at the blonde girl, Bella temporarily thinking Lauren was talking about the voices, her heart missing a beat, a lump forming in her throat.

Lauren dared a small smile towards the brown-haired girl as said girl relaxed again. "There's a reason Jacob waited all this time for you. He thinks you're worth it, and maybe you just need him to show you exactly _why_. Don't give up on life and love just because the past weighs on your shoulders."

A silence filled the room. Although she knew Lauren only meant to be nice and supporting, Bella couldn't help but feeling uncomfortable, like Lauren somehow _knew_ something. But she couldn't, Bella never told a single soul about the girls picking on her.

"Don't weigh _yourself_ down."

And with that, Lauren was done. She felt like she had to make up for last year, even though technically, she hadn't done anything wrong. Just a lot of ignoring and arrogant looks. After a somewhat awkward silence, the girls decided this subject is done and started talking about something safe. Nails.

Bella sent Lauren a smile, one that could've said a thousand things, but came down to one thing: _thank you_. Lauren smiled back tentatively and hoped that with the gratitude, forgiveness came.


	3. Chapter 3

That Wednesday evening, right after _the incident_, Jacob almost broke the hinges of the front door as he bolted inside, practically jumped out of his clothes and into the shower, severely hoping the sound of the running shower would drown out his moans.

Not wanting to talk to his dad, he quickly slipped into his bedroom and let himself fall face-down onto his bed. He was going to have to apologise. For seeing Bella naked.

_How the fuck am I supposed to do that? __"Hey Bella, I totally didn't mind seeing you naked but I guess it's the best thing to do, given I want a relationship with you and I can't act like a perverted, hormonal douche around you."_

By Thursday evening, the whole Pack knew exactly how Bella Swan looked naked.

Friday, Sam suggested Jake should go up to Bella and apologise. Quil and Embry thought so too, except their version of apologising consisted of having sex with Bella, fucking Bella and oh yeah, tell her he was sorry for not being sorry for ogling her while she was naked.

Saturday morning, even before Charlie had woken up, Jacob was standing on her front porch, fidgeting. Charlie opened, looked up to the boy's face and slammed the door shut again immediately. Jacob could clearly hear Charlie mutter, "Fucking teenagers," before sauntering back to his bedroom.

Saturday afternoon, after having called Charlie to ask if Bella was taking a shower or about to take one, he was on the front porch again. This time, Bella opened the door. She leaned against the door frame as she waited for him to speak up.

"Sorry," Jacob said after a long moment.

"But you're not really sorry, are you?" She smirked at him as the usually brown skin of his cheeks started to redden visibly.

"O-of course I am!" he protested. Now Jacob wasn't a bad liar, not at all, but the lie was so painfully obvious to Bella it was downright funny. "I mean, I saw you..." He gestured awkwardly to all of her. "You know..."

"In my birthday suit?" Not laughing was quickly becoming next to impossible. Bella busied herself with nibbling on her lower lip, biting her nails, anything to prevent her from giggling.

"Ye-es." He was stuttering. Charismatic, pretty confident Jacob Black was stuttering.

"I accept your apologies, and although I do think they're insincere, I appreciate it."

After another moment of awkward silence, Bella hopped forward and hugged him. "I'm not mad at you, Jake."

Almost shaking with relief, Jacob returned the hug. "Thank God."

"I was, though, yesterday."

"I noticed that." He also noticed he was still holding her tightly, and she was holding on just as tightly. He felt the curves he saw three days ago, naked - _no, no_, _don't think like that_.

"Really. I threw some stuff across the room."

"Hardcore," he grinned.

"I cursed you in multiple languages."

"So that's what I heard all the way from La Push."

They both laughed. "I'm really sorry, though, Bells." He tried to sound as sincere as possible for a sixteen year-old boy who was apologising for seeing his crush naked.

She smiled at his use of the pet name and shook her head. "You're forgiven. And maybe I did overreact a little bit." She looked down at her feet and shrugged.

Jacob's eyes widened as he took in her reaction. "What? No, no, honey, you have absolutely _no_ reason to feel like you did something wrong. You're..." he trailed off and blushed again.

"I am...?"

"Like I said, you're gorgeous." He nodded, his eyes looking around, as if searching for another word, a better word. "You're perfect," he blurts out. "To me, you are."

Really, perfect was the only way he could describe Bella as she looked up to him through dark, thick eyelashes, chocolate brown eyes betraying her disbelief.

"Well," Jacob said softly, "that didn't exactly make things more comfortable, eh?" He tried laughing, but was cut off by Bella throwing her arms around him and burying her face in his chest.

"Thank you, I guess," she whispered into his gray T-shirt.

"You're welcome, I guess," he whispered back into her hair. They didn't move for a little while. Finally, she broke away from his embrace and entwined her fingers with his. "C'mon, let's go watch a movie or something."

He smiled and she smiled back, and then they were back at being Jake and Bells again, maybe just a little bit more than before.


End file.
